


Downpour

by prettymuchpotter



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Bad Writing, Character Death, Death, I WAS FIFTEEN OKAY OFC ITS BAD, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, One Shot, Re-upload, Songfic, Suicide, i was also an angsty 15 year old when i wrote this, i was sad when I wrote this, pretty OOC, song: downpour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:22:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26925049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prettymuchpotter/pseuds/prettymuchpotter
Summary: [RE-UPLOAD][Song fic] It's been a year since Harry died, and nothing has gotten easier for Draco.Something I wrote in 2018-ish. I removed it due to the author's notes being from a bad time in my life. Formatting might be a little wonky because this old thing has been copy and pasted from my documents about a zillion times in this process.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	Downpour

**Author's Note:**

> Please listen to Downpour by I.O.I while reading this. I.O.I's voices are beautiful and Woozi wrote amazing lyrics. I'll try to embed the link here.
> 
> https://youtu.be/QCKOWQ-_CYc

_When this rain falls on my head_

Draco grabbed his coat and an umbrella from next to the door and rushed out of his flat, not even bothering to open the umbrella. In his left hand was a bouquet of roses, which he had purchased the night before, knowing today he’d not have the strength to do anything other than visit Harry.

_I’ll get all wet, even my heart_

The rain was only drizzling for now, but the muggle weatherman had predicted it to be raining horribly by late morning, and as much as Draco didn’t want to be out in the rain, he couldn’t bear the thought of staying inside today.

_Stay with me, I still can’t be_

As Draco made his way down the street towards where Harry now laid, forever, his mind replayed that fateful day over and over in his head. How he had found Harry, crumpled on the bathroom floor, unnaturally cold. And how the note he had left had only read, ‘I’m sorry, Draco. I love you. Forever.’

_In the rain alone without you_

It’d been a year, and yet Draco still couldn’t get used to waking up and not having Harry beside him. He still wasn’t used to the absence of Harry’s laughter as he’d cook the two of them dinner, or the way Harry would always seem to end up asleep on Draco’s shoulder whenever they’d watch a movie.

_I’m still young, I’m still a bit scared_

Tears pricked at the edge of Draco’s eyes and he quickly brushed them away, not wanting to cry on the street. The muggles in this town were far too nosy, but Draco hadn’t the heart to move away. That would mean he’d have to leave his Harry behind, and he just wasn’t ready to let go. It wasn’t supposed to turn out this way, dammit! He and Harry were supposed to grow older, get married, adopt some children, and live their lives together. Draco hated being alone. Who would comfort him when he had a nightmare now?

_Though I know it’ll stop soon_

Pansy had pushed Draco into going to therapy to help him move on, but Draco refused to open up to the therapist at all. He didn’t want to move on. He didn’t want to forget Harry.

_I’m looking for you_

For the first couple of months after Harry’s death, Draco had convinced himself that he was dreaming, and that it had all been a terrible nightmare. He’d spend hours trying various ways to ‘wake up’, wanting to finally escape this endless nightmare.

_Will it stop now?_

Draco wanted nothing more than to go back in time and stop Harry from doing it. But no amount of hoping and wishing and battling with himself internally would change reality. He remembered stumbling to Pansy and Hermione’s flat several months after Harry had died, drunk and sobbing uncontrollably. No matter how many times Pansy tried to console him, he’d cry harder and manage to choke out a “When will this end? Why can’t he come back?” To which Pansy would always reply with “I don’t know, darling, I really don’t know.”

_These raindrops, these tears?_

Each month that followed, on the day that Harry had died, it always seemed to rain. And with each passing month, Draco fell deeper into his pit of grief, wishing for just one day of true happiness again.

_I don’t want to_

Draco didn’t want to do anything; from getting out of bed to caring for his plants to taking care of himself to visiting his friends. All he wanted was one more conversation with Harry, one last kiss, anything to give him any closure for this.

_Get wet with rain_

The first month after it had happened, Draco didn’t go and visit Harry on the one-month anniversary. It was raining heavily, and Draco felt as if the sky was feeling his pain and sadness.

_And tremble with cold_

The month following, Draco had sat out in the rain all day, and by the time he finally went inside, his entire body was numb, and his lips were blue from cold. He had only come inside because Pansy had come over to check on him and found him near passing out on his balcony.

_Some day, the cold rain_

Draco couldn’t wait for the day the rain would be a sunny day and give him the chance to sit out there with Harry, and maybe give him some peace.

_Will become warm tears_

Draco wished for the day he could visit Harry without crying. He knew Harry wouldn’t want him to be so torn up, but he felt as if his heart had been torn out and put in a blender.

_And fall down, it’s alright_

Nothing was alright. Draco, and the rest of those close to Harry were completely devastated. Ron had lost his cheerfulness, and his usually rosy complexion was now a sickly grey. Hermione had lost her interest in books, claiming they reminded her too much of the days she’d nag Harry to study. The rest of the Weasley’s had set an extra seat for him at the table at every meal, next to the seat they would set for Fred. Pansy and Blaise, Harry’s newest friends, weren’t as torn up, but they still felt grief. They channeled their grief into helping Harry’s close friends.

_It’s just a passing downpour_

The rain was now picking up, but Draco just kept walking, not even caring as his hair became frizzy and damp.

_It’s just a passing downpour_

Draco could feel the muggles staring at him oddly as he walked down the street. He supposed he did look a bit out of place, his eyes and nose red and puffy from crying, his umbrella at his side despite the rain steadily falling, and the bouquet of roses clutched in his hand.

_It’s how I feel_

Draco couldn’t remember the last time he felt anything other than sadness, grief, and guilt. He kept thinking ‘I should have known, I should have realized sooner, I should have been at the flat that day.’

_After I met you_

Draco chose to not think of that day in Madame Malkin’s as their first meeting. He thought of their first meeting as the day Harry approached him on the school grounds and asked for a truce, his eyes holding a glimmer of hope and his outstretched hand shaking slightly, afraid of rejection. Draco recalled that day as one of his happiest.

_I haven’t lost the happy memories to the rain_

While it was true that Draco was deep in his grief, he could still find small, happy memories of him and Harry deep in his mind. His favourite memory was of the day he had given Harry a promise ring. He had planned a meal at Harry’s favourite restaurant then they had gone flying in the woods behind the nearby park. Draco had released a snitch and made sure that Harry caught it, and when it did, it opened to reveal two golden rings, which had a knot decorating them where a gem usually was. Harry had turned to look at Draco quizzically, as if he didn’t believe this was real. “I know you’re not ready for marriage or engagement yet, but I wanted to show you that I’m serious about being with you forever. Those are promise rings, I had them specially made.” Draco explained, pulling one of the rings out and slipping it onto Harry’s finger. Harry did the same to Draco, his eyes shining with happy tears. They stretched over their brooms to embrace, as the sun slowly sunk below the horizon.

_When the rain stops_

The rain was picking up even more now, causing Draco’s hair to become pressed to his head, falling into his eyes and obscuring his vision even more than his tears had.

_Let’s meet again_

All Draco wanted was his Harry back.

_We will smile again and be together_

Draco couldn’t help but fantasize about his own death. He’d never acted on any of his thoughts, but his body and mind were desperate to get back to Harry.

_Will it stop now?_

The rain poured, and the wind howled, but nothing could deter Draco from going to Harry today.

_These raindrops, these tears?_

Draco quickened his pace as he felt his sobs rising in his throat, threatening to choke him.

_I don’t want to_

‘Please, Harry, why won’t you just come back? I can’t do this without you!’ Draco thought desperately, running through the rain. He had reached the cemetery gates.

_Get wet with rain_

Draco was soaked through all of his clothing now, and he was extremely cold, but he ignored his discomfort in favour of seeing Harry, his Harry, or at least, see where he laid.

_And tremble with cold_

Draco couldn’t stop the trembling in his hands as he walked through the cemetery to the back, where Harry’s grave was, under a tall willow tree. Draco had requested that spot, paying extra to get his way, since he knew that Harry would have loved to be surrounded by nature.

_Some day, the cold rain_

The rain didn’t stop. It never did.

_Will become warm tears_

Draco couldn’t distinguish if it was tears, rain, or both running down his face.

_And fall down, it’s alright_

Draco found Harry’s grave and stood there, swaying, as all of his emotions crashed down on him at once.

_It’s just a passing downpour_

But when will it pass?

_I’m getting all wet right now_

The rain poured down on Draco and he stood at the grave, his mind going blank, forgetting what to do. It was always so hard to see Harry’s grave.

_I don’t even have the strength to open an umbrella_

Draco sank to his knees on the grave, his umbrella and bouquet of roses falling to the ground as well and he leaned against the gravestone, sobs racking through his body.

_But we know_

No one truly knew Draco was hurting this badly. Pansy and Blaise had their suspicions, but they never pressed him for information.

_Let me just cry for a moment_

Draco sobbed against the gravestone. “Harry, how could you?! W-we were supposed to get m-married! Y-you weren’t s-supposed to l-leave me! I should h-hate you for d-doing this to me, but I l-love you so, so much...” Draco cried, trailing off as a particularly strong sob made him shudder.

_As I lean on the rain_

Draco pulled back from the gravestone, as he always did when he visited, to read the words printed on it. He’d had Harry’s favourite quote added to it, in small letters, under all of Harry’s information.

_So you won’t see our sad tears_

Draco tried to wipe his tears away, really, he did, but the tears were streaming down his face, heavier and quicker than the rain.

_Now goodbye_

Draco never said goodbye to Harry. He thought he never would. That would make it so much more real.

_Will it stop now?_

Draco pressed his forehead to the ground, sobbing loudly again. “This isn’t fair, Potter! Why didn’t you tell me you were hurting so badly?! I could have been there!” He screamed, to nobody, since he knew Harry would never reply.

_These raindrops, these tears?_

“Y-you should have told me, you stupid fool! J-just come back! How am I s-supposed to live without you?!”

_I don’t want to_

Draco hugged the gravestone, knowing that was as close to hugging Harry as he’d get.

_Get wet with rain_

“I h-haven’t been able to d-do anything w-without you… Even all of my plants d-died. It’s like they w-went with you…” Draco choked out.

_And tremble with cold_

Draco shook as he spoke, both with cold and his sobs.

_Some day, the cold rain_

“I h-hate leaving you out h-here. It’s s-so cold, I w-want you to come inside with m-me, so we can c-cuddle like we used to whenever it would r-rain.”

_Will become warm tears_

Draco’s tears fell onto the gravestone and the ground.

_And fall down, it’s alright_

“Can’t you just talk to me one m-more time?! I’m going c-crazy!”

_It’s just a passing downpour_

The rain was slowing, but Draco’s tears only increased. He grabbed the bouquet he had brought and arranged it neatly at the gravestone, his hands shaking ferociously. Draco had no idea how long he was outside, crying on Harry’s grave. He was vaguely aware of the feminine arms pulling him to his feet and helping him back to his flat. The feminine arms helped him into clean, dry clothes, then into his bed, where he fell into a deep sleep. While Draco was not okay today, and he had no idea when he’d ever be okay again, he knew, deep in the back of his mind, that someday, he’d be okay. And someday, when he had grown old and was ready to leave this world, he’d be with his Harry again. There would never be another man for Draco Malfoy, he knew he’d only ever truly love Harry James Potter.


End file.
